I'll be your cheerleader

Four years ago today, heaven received a new citizen.  He was always meant to be there, but it took over 80 years for him to arrive.  His given name was Gerald, but to almost everyone, he was known as Jerry (or Jer, or even Big Jer (BJ), as his family lovingly referred to him).

Jerry was a passionate follower of Jesus for most of his years.  In his earlier years, he was earnest but legalistic.  He didn't know any better; he didn't have anyone to show him the way.  He aimed to become a mentor for others, and he was successful in doing so.  In all his years on this earth, I can't even guess how many souls he led to know Christ.  I just know it was a lot.

I had a roller coaster relationship with my dad.  As a young child, I was terrified of him.  As I grew older, he tried to mold me into an athlete, something God clearly never gifted me to do.  I was a musician and artist, and Dad eventually accepted that.  He never missed a concert or performance.  He became one of my biggest cheerleaders.

When I wanted to quit college and go work for him in the radio station he bought, he never tried to talk me out of it.  He just supported me and loved me.  When I wanted to quit that and marry a co-worker who would give me stability, he didn't argue.  He just walked me down the aisle.  When our second child died at birth, he gave the most beautiful sermon at the funeral that I've ever heard in my entire life.

A few months later, my father, the person I held in the highest esteem, broke my heart by leaving my mother (after 41 years of marriage) for another woman.  I know now that he was under heavy attack from the enemy, and like all of us at times, he crumbled.  In later years, he had severe regrets about the collateral damage to his family.

It took a long time for me to work through my anger and bitterness, but eventually I chose to forgive him and pursued a relationship with him.  It was never the same, to be sure, but I'm thankful for the opportunity to try to reconstruct.  Often our conversations were stilted or awkward, but in each one of them, he did his best to encourage me.  If there's one thing I know for certain, I know my father loved me.  He made sure I knew.

In July of 2006, he was diagnosed with cancer.  Six month later, he left this earth to be with his Lord.

I miss him terribly, but as my husband often reminds me, he wouldn't want to be back here for anything. I wouldn't even wish that on him.  I know he is where he was always meant to be.  He is where I am meant to be one day.  On days like this, I long to be there.  In the meantime, I want to carry on his legacy and be that cheerleader for others.

And so, in the words of my father...keep your chin up.  Keep smiling, it's OK.  I love you.