Church ladies

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.  For if they fall, one will lift up the other."  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NRSV)

I grew up in a Christian home and attended a small, conservative church.  My perception of "church ladies" was that they each had a signature dish to bring to each potluck, during which they sat around and gossiped.  If they were chatting mindlessly at church, they were getting together for coffee to do more of the same.  I heard lots of complaining about husbands when my mother hosted the weekly "coffee klatch" at our house.

When I became a married woman, at the ripe old age of 20, I got a somewhat different picture of church ladies.  I began to understand the enormous pressures of being a wife and mother, and for awhile, I bought into the idea that we were merely supporting and encouraging one another.  Still, in the back of my mind, I was nagged by the thought that this was not at all the way it was supposed to work.  In addition to the constant gossip, often glossed over by being shared as prayer requests, I was turned off by women I viewed as weak, moody, and pathetic.  Growing up in the age of feminism, I felt empowered and strong.  Why did these women think they even NEEDED a man?

It became more and more difficult for me to connect with women in general, but even more so, the church ladies.  I suspected if my world ever came crumbling down, they would not be there for me.  My fears were confirmed when my marriage ended.  I became the one who was gossiped about and judged.

To this day, I still struggle with a general dislike of women.  There.  I said it.  I abhor women's events at church, and after this post publishes, I probably won't be invited to them anymore!  It's not for lack of trying...I have tried attending in an effort to get past my issues of distrust.  I'm actually really blessed to be in a church where the women are not like the ones who burned me in the past.  Still, I would rather walk on broken glass in bare feet than attend the next women's brunch.  It's just excruciatingly painful for me.

All of this to say, I discovered this morning that God has placed me smack in the middle of women's ministry, something I would have never imagined in a million years.  Mercifully, it looks different from the view to my past.  It does not involve potlucks or craft fairs.  It's as simple and beautiful as picking up my phone or my reading my email.

This dawned on me this morning as I read two Facebook messages which arrived right in a row.  Both were from younger women seeking advice and encouragement from a more seasoned believer (notice, I did not say old!).  My heart was so moved that they trust me enough to share their deepest confidences with me, and I realized that God had ordained our friendship for a dual purpose.  Not only for them to have a trusted mentor, but for me to heal from the hurts of my past.

As I pondered this further, I began to realize there are at least a dozen other women in my life who God has given me to encourage.  I was further enlightened by how much each one of these women ministers to me.  Now this is women's ministry I can get excited about!

So I'm thankful for the "church ladies" in my life right now.  Who knows, maybe one day you'll see me at the women's brunch again.