Should Christian women vent?

As Christian women, we've all done it.  We do it on a regular basis.  It feels great, both during and after.  No, I'm not talking about sex...and shame on you for thinking that!  ;)

I'm talking about venting - you know, releasing frustrations and anger and saying what you REALLY think or really wanted to say but couldn't.  If I had a dime for every time I've heard a woman (including myself) say, "I really need to vent", I'd probably be a millionaire.  Being the emotional creatures God has created us to be, we possess a seemingly innate desire to express those emotions.  At times, we feel as if we will explode if we don't let it out!

Mental health experts tell us it is healthy to express ourselves.  But is venting godly?  Let's ask ourselves a few questions.

• Is venting a need or a want?  

It feels like a need, doesn't it?  The problem is, feelings are temporary and not always a reliable source.  Our emotions are quickly changeable and are influenced by hundreds of factors.  We expect men to control their sexual desires, although it often feels like a need to them.  Even if it is proven to be a need, as followers of Jesus, we are called to rely on God for everything.  "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."  (Philippians 4:19)

• Does it honor God?  

Those who listen to our vents have their ears assaulted by complaints, slander, and gossip.  Our words should build others up, encourage, and exhort.  Instead, our venting is focused on tearing someone down.  Our motivation is to make sure someone else knows we've been wronged.  That doesn't honor God at all.   Philippians 2:3 says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves."

• Does it cause us to sin?

"In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. " (Psalm 4:4)  As noted above, anger can cause us to sin against others.  The Psalmist gives us great wisdom in telling us to be silent when we are angry!  Ephesians 4:26, which quotes the first part of Psalm 4:4, indeed tells us to deal with our anger before the day ends, but in such a way that we don't give the devil a foothold.

I know what you're thinking.  You're saying, "Oh, but Lisa, you don't know...I HAVE to process these emotions!  If I don't talk to someone about it, I won't be able to get past it!"  Oh, but I do know.  I'm a woman too!  This entire post came out of a recent experience in which God revealed to me the ugliness of the things I vent about and the need to make a change.

As I see it, the solution is two-fold.  One, we need to have a proper view of the person who has wronged us.  They are not the enemy. "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12)  This is the work of the evil one, who delights in our venting!

A friend of mine said this to me today:  "Help me to remember we are ALL His beloved. Even when I'm upset with people, help me remember, God loves each one of us intimately and passionately."  When we see others as God sees them, it takes the sting out of our own hurt.

Secondly, we can still vent, we just need to vent to the right Person.  Our Heavenly Father wants us to come to Him with our cares, our frustrations, our hurt, and our pain.  "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)  Note it says, ALL.  And really, why wouldn't we take this stuff to God?  He's the only One who can do anything about it anyway, right?

But what about Galatians 6:2?  "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."  I love Matthew Henry's commentary on this.  "It becomes us to bear one another's burdens, as fellow-travellers. It is very common for a man to look upon himself as wiser and better than other men, and as fit to dictate to them. Such a one deceives himself; by pretending to what he has not, he puts a cheat upon himself, and sooner or later will find the sad effects. This will never gain esteem, either with God or men. Every one is advised to prove his own work. The better we know our own hearts and ways, the less shall we despise others, and the more be disposed to help them under infirmities and afflictions."