Most teenagers have come to terms with the fact their parents are now on Facebook, but many would prefer they were not. Social media sites like MySpace and Facebook originally gave young people a cyber hangout of their own, and now the adults are taking over.
Being parents, it is our inherent nature to ruin things for our teens. Or is it? I say parents and teens can co-exist on Facebook with a few ground rules (on both sides) and still maintain a good relationship with quality communication.
I'll pick on the grown-ups first. After all, we SHOULD know better, but most of the time we've forgotten what it was like to be 14. So here we go - the 8 things parents of teenagers should never do on Facebook:
1. Stalk your child. There's a lot to be said for making sure your child is safe on the internet, but that doesn't mean you need to read every single post on your teen's wall. And even more so, you don't need to comment on and/or "like" everything they post.
2. Stalk your child's friends. Commenting on your teen's friend's status will either make you look like a dork or a creeper. Take your pick. Plus, it's just uber embarrassing to your kid. Don't do it.
3. Post pictures or stories about your teen without their permission, even if you think they are funny. I can almost guarantee you, your son or daughter will be unamused.
4. Criticize people and/or be generally negative. This makes you look petty and is a general turnoff to anyone on Facebook.
5. Embarrass yourself. You may think that video of you dancing at your niece's wedding is hilarious, but the rest of the family has just told everyone to block you.
6. Post when you're angry or upset. This is just good advice for anyone on Facebook. You will most likely regret it later, so wait until you are calm to share your frustrations with the world.
7. Use street lingo. "Why you always be talkin' ghetto? Get yo'self a propa' e-ju-ma-kay-shun!" Seriously, you are not ghetto, punk or crunk. You're a middle-aged man or woman from the suburbs. Deal with it.
8. Type in all caps. This is considering shouting. Shouting is rude.
By the way, I can honestly say (and my kids will agree), I've been guilty of some of these things. I've learned the hard way, so I'm hoping to spare you some pain. So rock on, my homies! (Oops. I still have a lot to learn, I guess.)
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Coming around the corner and bumping into Jesus
It's funny how words affect us.
I've been reading a devotional book called "Jesus Calling", by Sarah Young. I really like this book because each entry is like a personal message from Jesus. The book often encourages me to focus on Him, but I keep asking, "How do I do that?"
I also am reading "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers, and today's reading gave me a mental picture to help me understand how to live this out. (Note to self: remember this the next time you get annoyed because someone else says the same thing to your husband that you did, only using different words, and he listens to them!) Chambers says we should be "expecting Jesus Christ at every turn. This will give our life the attitude of child-wonder which He wants it to have."
I started to imagine what my day might look like if I were to expect Jesus around every corner. What if I expected to encounter Him as I'm walking the dogs, shopping at the grocery store, driving in my car, or doing laundry?
Jesus told us to seek and we will find. How can we find Jesus if we don't seek Him? Seeking something (or in this case, someone) includes an expectation of finding it. If I go to the grocery store seeking apples, I expect to find them. If I approach every part of my day expecting to find Jesus, I can be assured I will. And when I find Him, I will also find peace.
One could compare it to a game of hide-and-seek, except in this case, no one is hiding. I wonder how many times I've walked right past Him and didn't even know it.
My expectations are set high today. This is gonna be great!
I've been reading a devotional book called "Jesus Calling", by Sarah Young. I really like this book because each entry is like a personal message from Jesus. The book often encourages me to focus on Him, but I keep asking, "How do I do that?"
I also am reading "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers, and today's reading gave me a mental picture to help me understand how to live this out. (Note to self: remember this the next time you get annoyed because someone else says the same thing to your husband that you did, only using different words, and he listens to them!) Chambers says we should be "expecting Jesus Christ at every turn. This will give our life the attitude of child-wonder which He wants it to have."
I started to imagine what my day might look like if I were to expect Jesus around every corner. What if I expected to encounter Him as I'm walking the dogs, shopping at the grocery store, driving in my car, or doing laundry?
Jesus told us to seek and we will find. How can we find Jesus if we don't seek Him? Seeking something (or in this case, someone) includes an expectation of finding it. If I go to the grocery store seeking apples, I expect to find them. If I approach every part of my day expecting to find Jesus, I can be assured I will. And when I find Him, I will also find peace.
One could compare it to a game of hide-and-seek, except in this case, no one is hiding. I wonder how many times I've walked right past Him and didn't even know it.
My expectations are set high today. This is gonna be great!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
He gives and takes away
I am the very proud mother of four children - one son and three daughters. My oldest daughter, Alyssa, left us 22 years ago quite unexpectedly. She has celebrated every one of her birthdays in heaven, including today.
This day is usually quite emotional for me, but it's also really necessary in the grief journey. I don't know if people always understand that. These "anniversary" days tend to make most people uncomfortable. They don't know what to say, and they certainly don't know what to do with your emotion. (By the way, a simple acknowledgement that you remember means more than you know.)
I worried that today would be harder than usual because I had been doing so well in the days leading up to it. Typically, I struggle more with the anticipation of the day than the day itself. So I figured I would be a mess today, but it hasn't been too bad.
Being the ever-questioning type, I wondered why. I started thinking about what was different in the past year, and I realized something really cool. God has been bringing some young women into my life, all very close to Alyssa's age. These women are allowing me to share motherly and godly wisdom with them and to walk alongside them in their 20-something struggles. I even have one living in my house! It's easing the loss and blessing me in a way I never imagined. As the song goes, "He gives and takes away." And as usual, God always gives more than He takes.
I did shed some tears today, though they were happy ones. I was in the car, listening to my favorite band, and this song came on. It is a beautiful song which always moves me, but today it took on a whole new meaning...
Always (Switchfoot)
This is the star, this is your heart
This is the day you were born
This is the sun, these are your lungs
This is the day you were born
And I am always, always, always yours
And I am always, always, always yours
These are the scars deep in your heart
This is the place you were born
And this is the hole where most of your soul comes ripping out
From the places you've been torn
And it is always, always, always yours
And I am always, I'm always, I'm always yours
Hallelujah, I'm caving in
Hallelujah, I'm in love again
Hallelujah, I'm a wretched man
Hallelujah, every breath is a second chance, yeah
And it is always, always, always yours
And I am always, I'm always, always yours
Always, always, I'm always yours, I'm yours
Always, always, I am always yours
This day is usually quite emotional for me, but it's also really necessary in the grief journey. I don't know if people always understand that. These "anniversary" days tend to make most people uncomfortable. They don't know what to say, and they certainly don't know what to do with your emotion. (By the way, a simple acknowledgement that you remember means more than you know.)
I worried that today would be harder than usual because I had been doing so well in the days leading up to it. Typically, I struggle more with the anticipation of the day than the day itself. So I figured I would be a mess today, but it hasn't been too bad.
Being the ever-questioning type, I wondered why. I started thinking about what was different in the past year, and I realized something really cool. God has been bringing some young women into my life, all very close to Alyssa's age. These women are allowing me to share motherly and godly wisdom with them and to walk alongside them in their 20-something struggles. I even have one living in my house! It's easing the loss and blessing me in a way I never imagined. As the song goes, "He gives and takes away." And as usual, God always gives more than He takes.
I did shed some tears today, though they were happy ones. I was in the car, listening to my favorite band, and this song came on. It is a beautiful song which always moves me, but today it took on a whole new meaning...
Always (Switchfoot)
This is the star, this is your heart
This is the day you were born
This is the sun, these are your lungs
This is the day you were born
And I am always, always, always yours
And I am always, always, always yours
These are the scars deep in your heart
This is the place you were born
And this is the hole where most of your soul comes ripping out
From the places you've been torn
And it is always, always, always yours
And I am always, I'm always, I'm always yours
Hallelujah, I'm caving in
Hallelujah, I'm in love again
Hallelujah, I'm a wretched man
Hallelujah, every breath is a second chance, yeah
And it is always, always, always yours
And I am always, I'm always, always yours
Always, always, I'm always yours, I'm yours
Always, always, I am always yours
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Media Free Mondays - Day 3
We went into this week knowing it would be the last time we would "have" to participate in Media Free Monday. We finally wised up and proactively planned some things that would get us out of the overwhelming quiet of the house.
Kelsey escaped the event entirely by spending all day and evening at the Mall of America with friends. OK, I can't really fault her for that. It's spring break, and she deserves to have some fun.
The rest of us decided to go out to eat, something we rarely do because my poor family is stuck with a wife/mother who loves to cook. We let Emma choose the restaurant, and she picked Outback. Smart girl. She knows both Mom and Dad love that place.
We had a nice dinner and good conversation, as our cell phones were safely tucked away. Afterward, we decided to do some shopping. We needed to pick up a birthday gift for a family member, and I wanted to look for a bridal shower gift as well.
Away to Target we went. I assigned the birthday gift shopping to Dan and Emma, while I went another direction in search of the shower gift. I found what I wanted and then headed to the toy section, where I thought Dan and Emma would be. They weren't there. Guess what my first thought was? Yep, I'll just call them on the cell phone. Uh, nope, I can't do that!
They were in the same boat, looking all over the store for me with no luck. They even ran into a friend of ours who wanted to say hi to me, but they informed her they could not call me because it was "Amish night." Eventually, we found each other, and once again we were left wondering how we ever managed without our precious electronics!
We could have done more shopping but decided we really should head home to take care of the dogs. That meant we still had a couple hours to endure the silence at home. Emma and I both had some things to finish up before bedtime, which left Dan to play solitaire while practically going insane. He'd had a difficult day at work and said this was one of those days when he really would have loved to wind down with TV.
Before we called it a night, we talked about this experiment and the things it has revealed to us. Namely, we all recognize we are addicted to our electronics. But we also realized that we bond best as a family through the use of all these things. We communicate with one another, we play together, and we relax together. We have learned to use media as a tool to bring us closer together.
That being said, I asked if we should continue Media Free Mondays. If looks could kill, I'd be dead right now!
So we will chalk this up as a useful, albeit difficult lesson. We will all be more aware of our electronics use, and hopefully we will choose wisely. And next Monday, I believe you'll find us bonding over Dancing With the Stars while Facebooking, Tweeting, and texting one another.
Kelsey escaped the event entirely by spending all day and evening at the Mall of America with friends. OK, I can't really fault her for that. It's spring break, and she deserves to have some fun.
The rest of us decided to go out to eat, something we rarely do because my poor family is stuck with a wife/mother who loves to cook. We let Emma choose the restaurant, and she picked Outback. Smart girl. She knows both Mom and Dad love that place.
We had a nice dinner and good conversation, as our cell phones were safely tucked away. Afterward, we decided to do some shopping. We needed to pick up a birthday gift for a family member, and I wanted to look for a bridal shower gift as well.
Away to Target we went. I assigned the birthday gift shopping to Dan and Emma, while I went another direction in search of the shower gift. I found what I wanted and then headed to the toy section, where I thought Dan and Emma would be. They weren't there. Guess what my first thought was? Yep, I'll just call them on the cell phone. Uh, nope, I can't do that!
They were in the same boat, looking all over the store for me with no luck. They even ran into a friend of ours who wanted to say hi to me, but they informed her they could not call me because it was "Amish night." Eventually, we found each other, and once again we were left wondering how we ever managed without our precious electronics!
We could have done more shopping but decided we really should head home to take care of the dogs. That meant we still had a couple hours to endure the silence at home. Emma and I both had some things to finish up before bedtime, which left Dan to play solitaire while practically going insane. He'd had a difficult day at work and said this was one of those days when he really would have loved to wind down with TV.
Before we called it a night, we talked about this experiment and the things it has revealed to us. Namely, we all recognize we are addicted to our electronics. But we also realized that we bond best as a family through the use of all these things. We communicate with one another, we play together, and we relax together. We have learned to use media as a tool to bring us closer together.
That being said, I asked if we should continue Media Free Mondays. If looks could kill, I'd be dead right now!
So we will chalk this up as a useful, albeit difficult lesson. We will all be more aware of our electronics use, and hopefully we will choose wisely. And next Monday, I believe you'll find us bonding over Dancing With the Stars while Facebooking, Tweeting, and texting one another.
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Media Free Mondays - Day 2
It was unanimous. When I asked my family if they thought the second night of fasting from electronics would be easier than the first, it was a resounding "No."
Yesterday morning, Emma asked, "Are we having 'Amish night' again tonight?" I laughed at her nickname for our little experiment and replied that we were indeed having a media free night. "Might as well grow a beard," she responded.
I had decided last week to make sure we had something planned to do this time, but the day got away from me. (Why are Mondays always like that?) So, there we were in a very quiet house again.
I actually broke the rules absent-mindedly this time. We have a multi-level house, so it's very convenient to text one another with questions rather than yelling or traveling up and down multiple flights of stairs. In the middle of making dinner, while once again missing the laughter of an old sitcom, I realized we had run out of milk. One of the dishes I was preparing called for milk, so naturally I picked up my phone and sent a text to Dan, asking if he could run to the store for me. He answered and said he would as soon as he got off the phone. When he came downstairs, he pointed out that I had broken the rules. I was shocked - I hadn't even realized I did it!
After dinner, I sent Dan and Emma out of the house on an errand for me. I thought a change of scenery might help them both to deal with the quiet of the house. I have to admit, the absolute peace and quiet in the house while they were gone was refreshing for me. It's rare to experience that kind of silence at our house. I only wished I had the time to sit down and focus my thoughts. Of course, that would have required journaling on actual paper with an actual pen. Gasp!
When they returned, Emma took a shower, so Dan and I had some time to talk. Again, something that seldom happens without interruption or background noise, so it was nice for me. Soon though, Dan admitted the quiet was getting to him.
In fact, we all got a little silly playing a card game Dan taught us. It's called Mille Bornes, and Dan's family used to play it a lot at family gatherings. We had it in our "game closet" but had never opened it or tried it at all.
I'm not sure if the game was that fun, or if we were all just a little loopy, but we had a good time playing. We might even play again tonight. Of course, this time, the TV will be on in the background...
Yesterday morning, Emma asked, "Are we having 'Amish night' again tonight?" I laughed at her nickname for our little experiment and replied that we were indeed having a media free night. "Might as well grow a beard," she responded.
I had decided last week to make sure we had something planned to do this time, but the day got away from me. (Why are Mondays always like that?) So, there we were in a very quiet house again.
I actually broke the rules absent-mindedly this time. We have a multi-level house, so it's very convenient to text one another with questions rather than yelling or traveling up and down multiple flights of stairs. In the middle of making dinner, while once again missing the laughter of an old sitcom, I realized we had run out of milk. One of the dishes I was preparing called for milk, so naturally I picked up my phone and sent a text to Dan, asking if he could run to the store for me. He answered and said he would as soon as he got off the phone. When he came downstairs, he pointed out that I had broken the rules. I was shocked - I hadn't even realized I did it!
After dinner, I sent Dan and Emma out of the house on an errand for me. I thought a change of scenery might help them both to deal with the quiet of the house. I have to admit, the absolute peace and quiet in the house while they were gone was refreshing for me. It's rare to experience that kind of silence at our house. I only wished I had the time to sit down and focus my thoughts. Of course, that would have required journaling on actual paper with an actual pen. Gasp!
When they returned, Emma took a shower, so Dan and I had some time to talk. Again, something that seldom happens without interruption or background noise, so it was nice for me. Soon though, Dan admitted the quiet was getting to him.
In fact, we all got a little silly playing a card game Dan taught us. It's called Mille Bornes, and Dan's family used to play it a lot at family gatherings. We had it in our "game closet" but had never opened it or tried it at all.
I'm not sure if the game was that fun, or if we were all just a little loopy, but we had a good time playing. We might even play again tonight. Of course, this time, the TV will be on in the background...
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Media Free Mondays - We Survived Day 1!
When we decided to try Media Free Mondays, I didn't have any "pie in the sky" expectations that we would be transformed into some cheesy TV family who always gets along. I did, however, have some ideas of how things might play out. I pictured myself doing a lot of reading and enjoying the lack of background noise. I anticipated my husband and youngest daughter would channel their competitive spirit by playing lots of board games. And I assumed my oldest daughter would be holed up in her room doing homework.
What I didn't plan on was Dan having an insane work day that stretched well into the evening hours. My own workload got pushed back due to an appointment in the late afternoon, Kelsey was at her job, and Emma had a pile of homework. As a result, we all ended up doing this media fast on our own for the better part of the evening.
We decided to shut everything off at 5:00, just as I was preparing to make dinner. Our kitchen is open to the family room, and I have a habit of turning on some goofy sitcom while I'm cooking. Not 30 seconds into the experiment, and I found myself reaching for a remote. Yikes. I caught myself but was surprised to discover how habitually I reached for electronics.
I went back to cooking but decided the house was much too quiet. I thought, "I know, I'll just turn on some music!" Or not...since all my music is on my computer and Ipod. This was getting harder.
Dan, Emma, and I had dinner together and enjoyed our conversations. Early in our marriage, I had always insisted the TV was off during meal times, and I also had a rule about not answering the phone. I'm not sure when or how that lapsed over the years, but until last night, I hadn't really given it much thought. I guess the distractions can creep up on you.
Before dinner was over, we caught Dan reading a text on his phone. He didn't even realize he did it; it was just so natural to pick it up.
Dan went back to his office to work, Emma headed to the shower, and Kelsey was in her room doing homework. This would have been the perfect time to enjoy a book, but I found myself too sleepy and lacking in concentration. I have to say, it really surprised me how much I missed unwinding with mindless drivel on TV.
The thing I missed the least was the cell phone, although I do usually communicate with my son each night through text messages. Maybe he needed the break though!
We did have some time to talk and relax before bedtime, and as we processed our thoughts for the evening, there was some concern expressed about bedtime rituals. Most of us fall asleep to some form of music or noise, and we decided it made no sense to be militant about the fast if it meant interrupting sleep.
I saved the best moment of the night for last, so you can leave laughing. About 30 minutes into Media Free Monday, Emma was lamenting the loss of her music and the inability to chat online with her friends. Her comment: "I feel so Amish!"
What I didn't plan on was Dan having an insane work day that stretched well into the evening hours. My own workload got pushed back due to an appointment in the late afternoon, Kelsey was at her job, and Emma had a pile of homework. As a result, we all ended up doing this media fast on our own for the better part of the evening.
We decided to shut everything off at 5:00, just as I was preparing to make dinner. Our kitchen is open to the family room, and I have a habit of turning on some goofy sitcom while I'm cooking. Not 30 seconds into the experiment, and I found myself reaching for a remote. Yikes. I caught myself but was surprised to discover how habitually I reached for electronics.
I went back to cooking but decided the house was much too quiet. I thought, "I know, I'll just turn on some music!" Or not...since all my music is on my computer and Ipod. This was getting harder.
Dan, Emma, and I had dinner together and enjoyed our conversations. Early in our marriage, I had always insisted the TV was off during meal times, and I also had a rule about not answering the phone. I'm not sure when or how that lapsed over the years, but until last night, I hadn't really given it much thought. I guess the distractions can creep up on you.
Before dinner was over, we caught Dan reading a text on his phone. He didn't even realize he did it; it was just so natural to pick it up.
Dan went back to his office to work, Emma headed to the shower, and Kelsey was in her room doing homework. This would have been the perfect time to enjoy a book, but I found myself too sleepy and lacking in concentration. I have to say, it really surprised me how much I missed unwinding with mindless drivel on TV.
The thing I missed the least was the cell phone, although I do usually communicate with my son each night through text messages. Maybe he needed the break though!
We did have some time to talk and relax before bedtime, and as we processed our thoughts for the evening, there was some concern expressed about bedtime rituals. Most of us fall asleep to some form of music or noise, and we decided it made no sense to be militant about the fast if it meant interrupting sleep.
I saved the best moment of the night for last, so you can leave laughing. About 30 minutes into Media Free Monday, Emma was lamenting the loss of her music and the inability to chat online with her friends. Her comment: "I feel so Amish!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
