Reconciling tragedy with praise

I know a woman who has endured some tragic circumstances in her life.

For the most part, her childhood was ideal.  She grew up in a small town with married parents, three brothers and a sister.  They didn't have a lot of money, but they always had enough.  They went to church every Sunday, and God was very central in their family life.

At the age of 17, she survived a tornado while lying in a ditch at an amusement park.  The twister went right over the park, causing a lot of damage in its path.  This was not her first encounter with tornadoes, but she had never been outside in the middle of one.  It was the first traumatic experience of her life.

She married at the age of 20 and had her first child just shy of her 22nd birthday.  Three years later, her second child died at birth of unknown causes.  Her first child was nearly attacked by a mental patient while recovering in the hospital from dehydration, and her third child nearly died from pneumonia.  Her husband was diagnosed with epilepsy and suffered serious injuries after seizures brought on by being prescribed the wrong medication.  All these medical issues led them into thousands of dollars in debt.

Seven months after losing her baby, her father (who was a pastor) announced he had been having an affair and left her mother after 41 years of marriage.  She did all she could to help her mother through the shock and devastation, but her once-close family was never the same.

All of the stress took its toll on her marriage, and she divorced at the age of 28.  She worked full-time and struggled to make ends meet for herself and her two children.  Although she believed in God, she walked away from the church for a long time, feeling scorned by fellow believers because of her divorce.

Eventually, an old friendship turned into a flame, and she remarried.  She had to move her children hundreds of miles away from their father, and the difficulty of visitation issues ensued.  Blended families on both sides of the situation presented new challenges as well.  Fortunately, she drew near to God and became part of a church family once again.  Her faith became strong as she grew in knowledge and wisdom of the Lord.

A few years ago, her husband lost his job.  During his time of unemployment, the woman's father was diagnosed with cancer and died six months later.  She had forgiven her father and made peace with him, but that only deepened her loss.  Over the next six months, her husband remained jobless, and she lost four additional family members who were close to her.  Then, her beloved dog, just four years old, was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died a month later.  It was a dark time for her spiritually and emotionally, and her faith was rocked to the core.

Not long after, her father-in-law began to fail in health.  His life hung in the balance for many months.  Many times, prayers were lifted and he recovered, but eventually God called him home.  She felt as though she had lost another father.

I'm sure you've read accounts of other people's lives that were much more dramatic or tragic, but this one has special meaning for me because...well...the woman I wrote about IS me.

I'm sometimes shocked to look back on my life and realize all that I have endured.  This time of year, we talk a lot about giving thanks.  And it's true, I have a lot to be thankful for - far more than I could ever list in a blog post.  Praise is the sister of thanksgiving, and that's where my heart is today.

When I was in the midst of a season of great loss, I meditated on Psalm 42 almost every day:
I say to God my Rock,
   “Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
   oppressed by the enemy?”
My bones suffer mortal agony
   as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
   “Where is your God?”
Why, my soul, are you downcast?
   Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
   for I will yet praise him,
   my Savior and my God.

I would read these words, emphasizing the word "will" as a choice to believe in God's faithfulness to me.  It was a mental choice I had to make because everything within me felt to the contrary.  I felt abandoned by God.  Yet, the truth was I would not always feel that way, and I HAD to believe it, no matter how hard.

It's been a few years since that season.  This summer, I found myself reflecting on all of this.  I discovered I could see God's hand in so much of the pain I endured, but there were still some wounds that had not healed.  I could see no purpose in them - nothing that made sense.

Then I heard a pastor speak about the Wedding Feast of the Lamb and how it relates to events in our lives that seem senseless.  He reminded me of the new perspective I will have once in heaven: God's perspective.  He quoted Revelation 15:3, where we (the saints) will sing, "Great and marvelous are your deeds, Lord God Almighty.  Just and true are your ways."  The pastor said, "You're going to say it then, you might as well say it now!  Just and true are your ways, God!"  In other words, praise.  Choosing to praise what is true.

For some of the difficulty in my life, I'm already able to praise with all my being and feel truly thankful for enduring it.  For the rest of it, I say, "I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God."

I am a social dork

It's official.  I should not be allowed to talk to famous people.  If you are my friend, please don't ever become famous because I won't be able to talk to you.

I don't know why, but anytime I meet someone of notoriety, especially someone I admire, I become a bashful, tongue-tied mess.  If I know in advance I'm going to meet them, I plan elaborate speeches or witty remarks, which never escape my lips.  I will inevitably say something lame like, "It's nice to meet you" or "I love your music."

Such was the case last night.  My daughter Kelsey and I drove three hours one way to hear one of my favorite authors speak.  Donald Miller's books have inspired and challenged me, and I was both hoping and dreading the opportunity to meet him.

A lot of writers express themselves better through their writing than in person.  Obviously, this is certainly the case with me!  Donald Miller is not like that.  One of the reasons I like his writing is because it's like getting a letter from an old friend.  His side of the conversation makes you feel like you've known each other for years.  He speaks like he writes.  He makes you feel comfortable, engaged, and welcome.  I was so impressed, I wanted to ask him how he does that.  That was going to be my big question if I got to meet him.

Speaking of being impressed, what kind of well-known person invites people to their home?  Don Miller.  Anyone donating $50/month or more to his charity for fatherless sons gets an invite to his home for an intimate gathering and house concert.  It made me wonder how much money could be raised by other famous people doing the same thing.  But it won't happen.  Why?  Most famous people would be worried about crazy people, stalkers and kleptomaniacs in their home!  Don just honestly wants to know people and is genuinely interested in having meaningful conversations.  You would think that would have made it easier for me to talk to him, right?

I wouldn't have met him at all if it weren't for Kelsey.  She has some sort of built-in radar for finding artists after a show, and she is persistent.  She was not leaving the venue last night without making every effort to find Mr. Miller, and she did it.  There was a short line of people waiting to speak with him.  While we were waiting, we came up with all kinds of clever things to say.  Kelsey had been joking all night about a picture of him they kept putting up on the big screens, saying it looked like a cheesy Sears portrait.  She planned to tease him about that, and then ask him to sign her book, letting him know she hasn't even read it yet.  I planned to admit my social awkwardness and ask my question.

During the wait, I spotted one of the musical artists we saw that night, Robbie Seay.  I've long been a fan of his band, and I mentioned to Kelsey that I really wanted to tell him how much one of his songs meant to me.  She kept nudging me to do it, and I managed to blurt out a few words about the song.  He was grateful for the encouragement and chatted with us for awhile.  I began to think I could really do this...I might actually be able to have a conversation with someone I greatly admire.

Did I mention we were last in line?  In other words, we could have talked with Don as long as he would stay.  We introduced ourselves, and the only words that came out of my mouth were, "It's nice to meet you."  Kelsey amazed me by asking him to sign her book, talked to him about the movie currently being made about his book "Blue Like Jazz", and asking for a picture.  She kept giving me a look which said, "Say something!", but I couldn't do it.  Don looked at us for a second as if to say, "OK, do you want to talk more?"  Still, nothing came out of my mouth.  He shook our hands a second time and thanked us for coming to the show, and off we went.  *sigh*

As we talked about the experience on the way home, I told Kelsey I think the reason why I'm such a dork if because I'm really in awe of other people's talents.  She replied, "Mom, you are around people of amazing talent all the time!"  She's right.  Even right in my own home, I'm surrounded by people with incredible gifts to create, direct, and influence.  There are musicians at my church who are just as talented as the ones I heard last night.  I have friends who constantly amaze me with spiritual insight, artistic abilities, and graceful parenting.  All of these are just as deserving of my praise.

So, I'm sorry, Donald Miller.  I guess you're not that special.  :)

Somehow, I think Don will be OK with that.

Making a difference or just making an appearance?

Last Thursday, we traveled to Green Bay for the "Make A Difference" tour, featuring Toby Mac, Third Day, Michael W. Smith, and Max Lucado.  I had purchased the tickets back in June as a birthday gift for my mother and an anniversary gift for my husband.  Mom is a huge Michael W. Smith fan, and I've taken her to a few other concerts, including one with the opportunity to meet Michael in person.  Third Day is one of the few bands Dan enjoys seeing in concert, mainly because it is always a great worship experience.

So, I even paid a little extra for VIP tickets, which included a question-and-answer time with the artists, as well as excellent seats (third row, just left of center stage).  The Q & A time turned out to be a bit disappointing, as we were not even allowed to shake hands with them.  It was basically a bunch of people shoved in a room, gawking at the artists.  The questions were even censored and/or rewritten by the emcee, so it was fairly impersonal.

As I was sitting there feeling a little disappointed, it occurred to me that the whole point of this tour was to help the poor.  The tour was sponsored by World Vision, and it was intended to make us rich, lazy Americans passionate about the disenfranchised around the world, particularly children.  The lady sitting next my mother said she had been to every one of these shows, which were all over the country.  I'm glad she was supporting the tour, but I had to wonder if she could have made a bigger impact by staying home and writing World Vision a check for the amount of her travel expenses!

Then I thought, "OK, Lisa...what about you?"  I love going to concerts and hearing bands and speakers who inspire me.  That's all well and good, as long as I'm not just continually soaking up, like a sponge, but never pouring it back out into the lives of others.  I looked around that room and had a sense that most of these people were either strictly "soakers" or just avid fans practicing celebrity worship.  I don't want to be either one of those things.

I wonder how many of us truly want to make a difference but end up only making an appearance.  It's the same thing on Sunday morning.  Lots of people show up for church and receive the Lord's teaching, presence and communion, but how many empty themselves by giving to others throughout the week?  Let's face it, we are all pretty self-absorbed.  Well, I know I am anyway.

We headed into the arena for the concert.  I looked around and discovered the majority of the crowd was people my age or a little bit older.  Yep, we are the people with the money, the resources...and I thought, "Here we sit!"  Soak, soak, soak.

This revelation hit me even harder yesterday morning, as our pastor issued a challenge to our young people to be like Noah to their generation: righteous, blameless, walking faithfully with God by doing everything He commands us to do.  The challenge was issued to the congregation in whole, but he called out those 25 and under in particular because they are living in a time of increasing evil, just as Noah did.  

The question was posed:  "What is God commanding you to do?"  I know for certain God is commanding me to be an example.  If MY generation doesn't lead the way, it will be a lot harder for those young people.  There's nothing inherently wrong with soaking, but it must always be followed by squeezing into the lives of others.  Then, when we are emptied, we can soak more good stuff up again.

The past few days have filled me up.  Time to pour it back out.  Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.

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P.S.  As for the concert, it was a great night.  So many talented musicians in all the bands, using their gifts to worship the Lord.  In particular, I would note Toby Mac's bass player, Third Day's keyboardist (with the biggest mitts I've ever seen to play to prolifically), and MWS's guitarist.  Mom had never heard Toby Mac or Third Day before, and she ended up becoming a fan of both.  This is funny because A) she is 81 years old and B) it was VERY loud!  You could feel the bass vibrating through your body!  She thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it, even if it took a few days to get her hearing back.  I understand Max gave a great sermon as well (I missed it), and 173 children were sponsored for World Vision.  My only musical disappointment was the absence of Michael W. Smith's signature piano.  He played keyboard and guitar.  It was still good though!  :)